Then and Now
by rowanashke
Summary: Things are never easy. They were part of each other from the start, whether or not they knew it. SasuNaru, some KakaNaru and KakaIru on the side. Yaoi, lemon, angst.


Now

Alright. This is the story I swore I'd never write. A SasuNaru…-sighs- But I have no control of the stuff my muse decides to want to write; I sat down to try and force some of the third Shika/Neji cycle out and…well, this happened. –laughs- Ah well.

**Now**

Naruto stared at the ground, his body tense. He could hear Sasuke breathing; it seemed to fill the whole world. Just him and Sasuke. He knew that the others were around somewhere, that they were probably still fighting. Kisame was around somewhere, and the other members of Sasuke's group, but it didn't matter.

He looked up finally to meet Sasuke's eyes. Blood red; he still had the Sharingan activated. His brother's body lay not ten feet from them, still and cold. Naruto had tried to stop it, had tried to interfere, but even he, with all the power of the nine-tail in his body, couldn't stop Sasuke from murdering his brother. It changed things. It made things so different.

He didn't want them to be different.

He saw Sasuke move forward, and managed not to flinch as Sasuke's hand came up to touch his cheek, glide down his face to rest on his shoulder. Sasuke leaned over and whispered in his ear, and Naruto closed his eyes.

Everything was different.

…

**Sometime after the beginning**

Naruto scowled at Sasuke's back, his fists clenching and unclenching. The bastard, the fucking bastard. He'd made Naruto look like an idiot…again. Ok, so even Naruto could admit that it was partly his fault and that if he'd kept his temper, it wouldn't have been so bad. But Sasuke had, as usual, taken advantage of it to make himself look better. Kakashi had laughed, and Sakura had scolded Naruto, and now they were walking together. And Naruto was walking behind them, where he always walked. Alone.

It hurt so bad.

He squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't want to admit how badly it hurt to see them together like that and to know, deep in his heart, that he wasn't really a part of it. Sakura'd be happy if he just died. Sasuke wouldn't care. And Kakashi-sensei…

Naruto made a soft, unhappy noise. To his surprise, Kakashi turned a little, casting his cool grey eye back at Naruto. "You ok back there?" he asked, his voice mild. "You're walking rather slowly…"

"I'm fine." Naruto said, forcing his voice into something more normal. "Don't worry about me."

Kakashi seemed to hesitate; Naruto had to give him credit for that. But he shrugged and turned back around. Sakura tossed a look over her shoulder that clearly indicated she thought Naruto was being a pain. Sasuke just…kept walking.

Like he always did.

…

**Some time ago**

Naruto crouched on the Hokage's head, staring broodingly down at the town spread below him. He'd come back. He'd thought…for some reason, he'd thought it would be…different. Some things had changed. Sakura seemed to have mellowed out a bit, which was good. His friends…he smiled a bit; it felt good to say that…his friends seemed to have missed him. And Kakashi…

Well, Kakashi-sensei was pretty much the same.

_I wonder where _he_ is tonight…_

Sasuke was never far from his thoughts. He'd promised to bring him home. He'd promised Sakura, he'd promised everyone. And he'd promised himself. He couldn't believe that Sasuke had changed that much. Deep down, the boy he had been was still there. Naruto had to believe that. He couldn't…_I love him so much…He must know it, still…he has to._

"Naruto?" Kakashi's quiet, smooth voice floated up to him. Naruto dashed away the tears he hadn't even realized he'd been crying and leaned over the edge, grinning to see Kakashi half-way up the mountain, climbing easily. Naruto could see the chakra in his fingers, keeping him to the wall. Kakashi-sensei was amazing, really.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said, grinning his trade-mark fox grin. Kakashi came up over the wall and settled next to Naruto, spreading his long legs out in front and leaning casually back on one hand. They sat like that for a time, silently watching the village. Naruto felt himself wondering what his former sensei was thinking.

"Naruto, are you…ok?" Kakashi asked finally. Naruto turned, surprised, and met Kakashi's eye. "You seem down."

"I'm fine." Naruto said. The old response; it came easily and smoothly to his lips. "Don't worry about me."

"But I do." Kakashi said slowly. Naruto gaped at him, and Kakashi gave him his hidden smile, the one you could see through his mask. "I do worry about you, Naruto. I can't help it."

"Why?" Naruto asked, his voice rather strained. "Why worry about me?"

"Because you take too much on." Kakashi said quietly. "Because you care too much, and bleed too much. I'm afraid for you, sometimes. You never learned how to turn it off, or back away from it. When you love, you do it with all your heart. I've watched you give it away, time and time again, and I've watched you get hurt. And…"

Kakashi turned to face him. Naruto realized, dimly, that Kakashi had pulled his mask down, and was pulling his headband off. "And I hate to see you in pain. It isn't right, that someone like you, with the heart and soul you have, should feel pain."

"Let me take it from you." Kakashi whispered. "Just for a little bit. Let me take the pain."

Kakashi touched his lips to Naruto's. Naruto gasped, but grabbed Kakashi and pulled him closer, kissing him hard, need and fear and something very much like love choking him. It hurt, but it felt so damn good. Kakashi pressed him down and Naruto writhed under him. He'd never thought he could feel this way for anyone but Sasuke. He wanted to protest, but Kakashi's gentle hands and his hard, demanding mouth pushed Naruto's reluctance away. Kakashi's mouth on his member and fingers inside of him brought the first release, but Kakashi didn't let up, and the pain of Kakashi entering him for real was swallowed by the swamping, overpowering pleasure. Naruto, afterwards, wondered in vague embarrassment if half the village heard him shout Kakashi's name at the end. Only Naruto could have heard Kakashi's voice moan his. _I really have to learn to be quieter, _Naruto thought. _I never did learn how to have sex like a ninja._ The thought was amusing.

Kakashi kissed him and cuddled him against his chest, stroking his back. "You should come home with me." Kakashi whispered. "Let me take care of you. Will you?"

"Yes." Naruto said softly back. "Please…"

..

**Now**

Naruto wiped the blood from his lips and stood slowly, looking away from Sasuke's eyes. It hurt to look at him. He looked instead at the face of Itachi and wondered, briefly, at the smile on those cold lips. Itachi looked…happy. _He was glad that it was Sasuke._ Naruto sighed and then flinched for real when Sasuke touched him again. Reluctantly, Naruto dragged his eyes to Sasuke and was glad to see that the red had receded; Sasuke's deep, dark black eyes looked back.

Naruto was shocked; the look on Sasuke's face wasn't triumph, or pleasure, or even gloating. It was despair. Without considering it further, Naruto pulled Sasuke to him, crushing him against his chest. When had he gotten taller than Sasuke? They'd both filled out, but Naruto's body was stronger, thicker. Sasuke was almost frail in his arms. It scared Naruto. Another change. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke and ignored the blood, ignored the fighting. Sasuke clung to him, burying his face in Naruto's chest, more vulnerable and broken than he'd ever been. _Sasuke…_

…

**Then**

Naruto watched Sasuke sleeping. It wasn't really sleep; the poison had knocked him unconscious. Sakura was around; she was, usually. Naruto didn't really care. He'd kept up his act, chasing Sakura, but lately his heart just wasn't in it. It was Sasuke he wanted to chase, Sasuke he wanted to touch. The feelings confused and frightened him. He had no idea what to make of them, or what to do. Sasuke had been colder and colder too. Naruto wondered if Sasuke knew about his feelings.

He sighed and shifted closer. Hesitantly, he brought his hand up to gently stroke Sasuke's hair, feeling a weird thrill at how soft and silky it was under his fingers. He continued the action, biting his lip. This was…strange. And…

Without meaning to, Naruto's hand slipped from Sasuke's hair to his face. Naruto stroked his cheek with his finger, marveling at the smooth texture of his skin. Moving down, he traced the line of his jaw, trembling. Why was he shaking? Why did this feel so…

He moved his hand down and touched Sasuke's throat. Licking his lips, he bent down and hesitantly touched his lips to Sasuke's, like he'd seen adults do…

A hand shot out and grabbed him; startled, Naruto tried to roll, but he felt Sasuke shift and stay with him. He ended up on his back, staring wide-eyed at a surprisingly awake, irritated looking Sasuke. "Naruto…what the hell were you doing?"

"I…" Naruto blushed. He had no clue what he'd been doing. He'd been caught up in the moment, in Sasuke's vulnerability and his own strange, tremulous feelings. Sasuke shifted and Naruto gasped; the action caused friction and…weirdness. Pleasure…Naruto bit his lip, half-hoping Sasuke did it again.

"Naruto…" Sasuke said softly. Naruto opened his eyes to find Sasuke staring at him. Naruto realized, with a jolt, that Sasuke's normally cold black eyes were…weird. Not the sharingan. Just…hot. Naruto found himself panting, and he licked his lips, transfixed by the sight of Sasuke staring at him. So strange…

Sasuke grabbed his hands and pushed them above his head. "You…" he said slowly. "Naruto…" he bent down and kissed Naruto, his lips moving over Naruto's slowly, as if tasting him. Naruto moaned in his throat, arching instinctively into Sasuke's body. His mind felt like it was buzzing; he was floating a million miles away, and all he could feel was Sasuke. Sasuke seemed to know what he was doing; he led Naruto through the kiss, rolling his hips against Naruto's and making Naruto whimper in pleasure. "Shh…" Sasuke whispered. "Sakura…"

Naruto turned his face away and moved his hips, biting his lip until it bled to keep the moans inside. God, it felt so…he was shaking all over, alternately burning up and freezing. He felt Sasuke move down his body and gasped as Sasuke's hands unzipped his jacket, then pushed his shirt up so he could suck and lick his stomach. He seemed to trace the seal with his tongue, and Naruto hazily wondered if the tingling he felt was from the seal, or just from Sasuke's tongue on him. He felt Sasuke unzip his pants and instinctively lifted his hips to allow Sasuke to slip his pants and underwear off. Sasuke's mouth on his strangely aching shaft caused him to cry out; he stuffed his hand into his mouth, biting hard on his knuckle to stifle any more noise. If Sakura came this would end, and he never wanted it to end. He felt Sasuke moving, sucking and licking, and the world grew steadily tighter until Naruto couldn't take it anymore. Bucking hard, he spasmed, his mind shutting off and his vision going black as he felt himself breaking into a thousand pieces.

When he could breathe again, he opened his eyes to find Sasuke leaning over him, his eyes still filled with that burning sensation. "You're a virgin." Sasuke said softly. "How sweet. We're not done yet, Naruto. Just let me get rid of Sakura again, and I'll show you the rest."

Naruto whined; he couldn't help it. Sasuke grinned and disappeared. Naruto heard him talking to Sakura; something about doing a check of the surrounding area. Sakura sounded reluctant, but finally Sasuke came back, looking annoyed. "Thought she'd never go. Little bitch." He sighed. "She's so interfering."

Naruto blinked hazily at Sasuke. "Sas..uke." he whispered. Sasuke grinned; Naruto thought, in a sudden, almost painful moment of clarity, that there wasn't much about that particular grin that was very nice. Sasuke shed his clothes and climbed back over Naruto, kissing him hard, his hands moving over Naruto's body again. Naruto clung to him and kissed him back, his moans swallowed by Sasuke's mouth. Then Sasuke sat up and repositioned Naruto's body.

"I'm not going to prep you." Sasuke said flatly. "The fox will heal you; I don't want to wait. It'll hurt, but you can take it." He spat on his hand, then rubbed his own shaft, grimacing. "Just keep it down, ok? I don't know how far she went."

Then he grabbed Naruto's hips and shifted him. Naruto tensed; he didn't know what was happening. Sasuke made an impatient noise. "Relax, Naruto. It'll help."

Naruto felt something hard poking against his bottom, and felt Sasuke spreading his ass cheeks. Then Sasuke began pushing and Naruto nearly screamed; it hurt! It hurt…the hard thing shoved further and further into his body, and Naruto felt himself stretching, tearing, changing to accommodate it. It was a weird pain; an intimate pain, harder to ignore than normal pain. Sasuke stopped pushing and leaned over him, panting. "So tight, Naruto…just relax. It'll stop hurting in a moment. I promise." He sounded almost…tender. Naruto opened his eyes, blinking away the tears that had gathered, and smiled at him. It didn't matter how much it hurt; hearing Sasuke talking to him like that was worth anything.

Sasuke grunted and started moving, slowly, pulling back and then thrusting back into his body. At first, all it was was pain; then, suddenly, Sasuke seemed to hit something inside of him and Naruto cried out, pleasure overriding everything else. He bucked in surprise, his hands grabbing Sasuke's shoulders. Sasuke grinned and moved faster, slamming into Naruto harder, his body trembling with each thrust. Naruto bucked back into him, moaning. They moved together for a time, their harsh pants and moans filling the cave. Naruto felt the rising, burning pleasure filling him again and gasped to Sasuke, who shifted and began to really pound into him, grabbing Naruto's shaft with his hand and stroking in time. Naruto closed his eyes again and shattered, feeling Sasuke's body spasming against his and something hot and liquid filling his core.

Afterwards, Sasuke pulled out and got dressed. Naruto weakly rolled over, feeling the unpleasant squish of liquid on his ass. "Get dressed, Naruto. Sakura should be back pretty soon. If you're smart, you'll keep your mouth shut about this. It's just between you and me, ok?"

"Y..yeah." Naruto said, shivering. The warmth had left Sasuke's voice and he was right back to being the cold, sarcastic bastard he usually was. Naruto wanted to cry, but he bit his lip and got dressed, determined to not show any weakness in front of Sasuke.

…

**A little bit ago**

Kakashi stroked Naruto's hair and sighed. Behind them, Iruka, who still wasn't happy about the relationship between Naruto and Kakashi but was too smart to protest much, echoed his sigh. They were having a picnic; the day was beautiful and they didn't have any missions. Kakashi had just gotten out of the hospital, but he was still on leave, and Naruto had just returned from a mission with team seven and Yamato.

Yamato…Kakashi's eyes narrowed, thinking of his former team mate. _He better be keeping his hands to himself._

Iruka set the blanket down and spread it out, smiling at them. "You two look too lazy; I should make you run a few laps or something before I let you eat."

"Na! Iruka-sensei…" Naruto whined. Kakashi chuckled and plopped down on the blanket, giving Iruka his best puppy-dog impression.

"I'm still on injury leave, Iruka-sensei. You wouldn't do that to me, would you?"

Iruka blushed, looking away, and Kakashi once again wished…_but it doesn't matter. Naruto needs me now. Iruka…I'm sorry._ He was, too, for a lot of things. For the fact that Iruka blushed whenever he looked at him, and the unhappiness he sometimes saw in Iruka's deep brown eyes. For the fact that he had, in some part, taken Naruto from Iruka, even though Kakashi knew damn well that Iruka and Naruto had never had _that_ sort of relationship. He was sorry, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. _Naruto needs me._ He was sorry, most of all, that the only way he could help Naruto, and the only way he could find to make Naruto's pain fade, was sexual companionship. Kakashi had never really had a real relationship with anyone, and he wished, desperately, that he'd known some other way. But Kakashi wasn't good at relationships, especially friendship-type ones, and…

_Stop. It doesn't matter. Things are what they are._

Kakashi looked up and found Naruto watching him with an odd look in his deep blue eyes. Kakashi stilled, wondering what the fox-boy was thinking. Wondering what he'd been giving away, while he was so deep in thought.

"Maybe I will." Naruto said suddenly, jumping up. "I feel like running. You two stay here, and I'll be back in a while." Naruto said, grinning. "It's too nice a day to sit around."

"Naruto?" Iruka asked, sounding disappointed. "Don't you want to just…stay with us?"

"I'll be back." Naruto promised, giving them both a thumbs-up. "Don't worry about me."

They watched him running away. Iruka sighed and Kakashi laughed. Iruka turned to Kakashi, raising his eyebrow expressively, and Kakashi hastened to explain. "The thumbs-up…poor kid's been spending too much time with Gai." Kakashi said, rolling on his side. "He'll be wearing green spandex and shouting about the joy of Youth pretty soon if we don't watch it."

"Oh, god." Iruka shuddered, grinning. "Please, no. I mean, I admire Gai-san for being such a wonderful ninja, but…" he shuddered again, blushing a bit. "His fashion sense is terrible, and those weird speeches he gives…I thought I'd die of embarrassment the last time he cornered me and started shouting all that stuff about the 'Glory of Youth, and the Wonderful Teacher of Youth.'"

Kakashi laughed. "Meh. Sorry. At least you don't have to listen to him yelling things about his 'Beloved Arch-Rival'." Kakashi said, rubbing his cheek. "It's rather embarrassing and I think half the civilians in the village think Gai's in love with me."

Iruka burst into laughter, falling onto his side. "Oh, no, Kakashi-san…I'm so sorry…"

"Ne." Kakashi suddenly reached out and brush a stray lock of hair from Iruka's face. "Iruka-sensei…" he said slowly. "I wish you'd just call me Kakashi."

Iruka froze, staring at him with those huge, deep, impossibly expressive brown eyes. "If…I will, if you call me…Iruka."

"Iruka." Kakashi said. It sounded like a caress. Mentally, he was screaming at himself. _What are you doing? What exactly are you doing? You can't…Naruto…Think of Naruto. He needs you. Can you imagine what he'd think? How he'd feel? You can't do this…_

But Iruka was too close, and then they were kissing, their bodies sliding together. Kakashi's mind abandoned coherent thought and just gave in to what he'd wanted for so damn long. Iruka under him, Iruka moaning for him, Iruka touching him…he thought he was going to die.

_Naruto sighed and stood up from his perch in the tree. He hurt a bit; he loved Kakashi, it was true. But not like _that_. Not like he loved Sasuke. Kakashi had been trying so hard to help him, and he knew that Kakashi really cared for him. Like he knew that Iruka cared for him. But he'd watched Kakashi watching Iruka, and he'd seen the look in Iruka's face and watched Iruka watching Kakashi, and he'd known he couldn't interfere there any more. It was selfish of him; he'd taken what Kakashi offered him for too long without giving anything back. He smiled as he turned away. He'd give them ample time, then they could talk and he would make sure they knew he was fine. He wanted them to be happy. Having them both happy was enough to make up for the dull ache in his chest. _

_Sasuke…why couldn't we be happy like that?_

…

**Now**

Naruto touched Sasuke's face with trembling fingers. His heart was beating too fast and too hard, and he felt like he couldn't breath. Sasuke tipped his face up towards Naruto's and smiled; Naruto's heart suddenly stopped. There was no pain or fear or anger in Sasuke's smile. It was the simple smile of a child, trusting and open, and Naruto felt tears rise into his eyes. _My poor Sasuke…my Sasuke…_

Naruto kissed him. He felt Sasuke kiss him back, tasted the iron tang of blood, and the bitter, salty taste of sweat, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but that he had Sasuke in his arms, safe and whole, and it was done. It was all done. There were battles ahead of them, sadness and fear and probably bitter pain, but it didn't matter.

_It's done._

…

**Sometime yet to come**

Naruto sighed and rubbed his eyes, wearily glancing at the clock. Almost eight; he'd been working for nearly six hours. The treaty was done and ready to go, finally. And he felt he deserved a bit of a break.

He pushed himself away from the desk, grinning wryly. Even the fox couldn't keep his body young forever; he'd started to feel it creeping up in his joints and his bones. There were gray hairs mixing with his bright yellow ones, and he'd noticed some new wrinkles in his face. It was funny. Kakashi-sensei had made fun of him, calling him old man, and Naruto had politely refrained from commenting on the fact that Kakashi was now, officially, an old geezer himself. Iruka, looking way too young for his age, had only laughed and kissed his long-time lover on the head, giving Naruto a tender smile.

Speaking of lover…Naruto smiled himself and left the office, ignoring the ANBU that trailed after him. They'd leave once he got to his apartments; he'd drummed into them that, Hokage or not, he did NOT need bodyguards in his private apartments. Besides, everyone needed time alone…

He heard the noise before he entered the door and sighed. From the sound of it, all three kids were in there. As much as he adored them, he wished, devoutly, that they wouldn't all come at once. They'd inherited both their mother's nasty temper and their father's brooding nature and together they could be a serious handful…

He pushed the door open. Konohamaru, looking eerily like Asuma, froze in the act of turning seven-year-old Yamato upside down. The twins Iruka and Tsunade, four years old, were clinging to Konohamaru legs. And Sasuke was sitting on the chair, laughing so hard his eyes were tearing up.

"What is going on in here?" Naruto asked severely, crossing his arms. Konohamaru blushed, Ichirou started yammering something too high-pitched and fast to understand, and the twins promptly burst into tears.

When they'd gotten it all sorted out, Naruto firmly shoved Konohamaru out with the kids. "Go! Take them! I need to sleep tonight. Make Sakura watch them; it's partly her fault they turned out to be such brats."

The kids, who were in no way really afraid of Naruto, made various faces and pouts. Naruto firmly shut the door in their faces and sighed, wearily.

He felt Sasuke's hands slide up his side and gratefully leaned back into Sasuke's embrace. "I know you had to continue your clan line, but did you have to pick Sakura? Her temper…" Naruto whined. Sasuke chuckled and kissed his neck, wrapping his arms around Naruto.

"You know why I picked her." Sasuke said softly, smiling. "Mostly because I could trust her to do it and not fall in love with me…again." He joked. Naruto grinned, remembering Sakura's childhood crush on Sasuke. "Besides, she's a good mother to them, and a strong ninja."

"Mmm." Naruto said, not really caring anymore as he felt Sasuke's fingers playfully moving across his stomach. "I've been working very hard today. You should pamper me."

"Of course." Sasuke said breathlessly. "Your wish is my command, Hokage-sama."

Naruto laughed and turned to face Sasuke, touching his cheek gently with his finger. "I love you, Sasuke." He said softly

Sasuke smiled back at him, that open, loving smile that Naruto had grown to treasure so much. "I love you too, Naruto." He said, then pressed his lips against Naruto's.

…

**At the beginning**

Naruto smiled at Sasuke, and Sasuke…smiled back. A child's smile; open and honest. There was nothing between them in that moment but the understanding that they were not alone, and that somehow, they'd make it. Naruto turned away, stuffing his hands into his pockets, and Sasuke turned his attention back to the water, idly kicking his feet into the clear, cold water. But even as they moved away from each other, the knowledge was there.

_I'm not alone._


End file.
